depression comix #296

It’s amazing how you can objectively look at your life on one hand and understand that you have it better than most, and especially when you can look around you and see how good things really are, and yet STILL have that pit in your stomach, that hopelessness and feeling that death really is better than this. I’ve been going through a lot of this recently. I have a job that I like, I’m back doing comics on the side of that, I have a great family, etc etc and still I have those fantasies where I cease to exist.

It’s beyond logic sense, and I think that’s the major stumbling block when people who have never experienced depression try to understand it. How can you have it good and still want to end it all? How can you have a life on the upswing but still lack the energy or the motivation to live it? It’s not an easy thing to grasp. It’s beyond logic. Logic does not apply to depression, and attempts to do so will lead to a failure in comprehension. That’s why it’s so difficult to describe it, because it does not make logical sense to those who haven’t dealt with it.

But getting back to the point of the comic, it just seems that no matter what, depression will always take away from the joy of living. It is always there, weighing you down mentally and physically.

The comic is here:

1 comment

    Depression comes with powerful delusions that can be difficult to move past. Event trying to apply logic doesn’t seem to help. The delusion of poverty (as opposed to actually being poor) is something I deal with. I can objectively look at my at my income and see that it is above the median household income for the U.S. (but not by very much) and I my rational mind can understand and even accept that, but emotionally if feel like I am not successful and that I am actually very poor. The delusion of being a failure is also one I have struggled with. This one was at its worst when I was unemployed for about 6 months almost 10 years ago. While I was struggling to find a full time job I managed to string together enough temp jobs to be able to support my family through that challenging time. The delusion of not being intelligent really gets to me. I know emotionally that it must be true because out of 5 siblings I am the only one that never received a college degree after a total of 5 tries at 3 different schools. This has caused strong feelings of inferiority even though at my job I am recognized by my coworkers and managers as being an expert in my field. There are many other delusions and everyone with depression seems to carry around a few of them. In spite of knowing how common this is with depression, you still end up feeling like you are the only one having to suffer like this. Hey, there’s another delusion. You said that it is beyond logic and that logic does not apply to depression. This is so true. Even when you can prove to yourself that you are a worthwhile person and that your thinking is delusional it doesn’t change your thoughts or your emotional responses. Of course, that is the definition of a delusion; a belief that is objectively false but is still believed no matter what proof is offered of its falsity. It is, as you said, beyond logic. Because of these strong delusions, non-depressed people without delusions simply cannot understand how we can continue to believe things we know aren’t true. It just doesn’t compute for them. Depression does take away the joy of life. With depression, even the best experiences cannot be enjoyed. No matter how good things are in my life, I still have a plan worked out for how to end it. And it feels inevitable that I will one day have to execute that plan. I really like how switching to the larger paper gives you enough room to better show you drawing skills. Since the beginning of the year the details in the drawings has been great and the finished strip is very nice looking. I can really see the difference in the expressions on the characters faces. Keep up the great work, Clay. p.s. I somehow managed to leave a comment that is longer than the original post. How obnoxious is that! I just can’t be concise.

    FML | 2 years ago Reply

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