The impostor syndrome is not just about work, it also applies to relationships as well. It makes it harder to start and maintain them because you are always going to be questioning the validity of being together with someone. It’s difficult to approach someone because you think you’re not good enough for that person anyways so why bother. If a relationship does happen, you’re never going to feel safe in it ever. When the relationship falls apart, it justifies your feelings of worthlessness and makes it even harder the next time around.
I’ve been through this cycle several times in my life and it really disrupts one’s ability to connect to someone. It’s easy to mistake for false humility but it is an honest feeling that you can never ever measure up. When depression tells you you deserve nothing, you tend to just nod your head in agreement.
I wrote this strip several times, and I used different characters each time. Finally, I settled on these two characters. I’m always expecting backlash, so I tried to craft the dialogue to be gender neutral towards the crush – I felt that this would make the character more relatable. Obviously this was a stupid and misguided thing to do and I’m ashamed of myself for choosing that route. I went back and changed the dialogue so that it’s clear the crush is also a guy, and if people can’t relate to the love troubles of a gay guy that’s their problem, not mine. So I have to remind myself not to worry about the bigots and a concentrate on drawing a strip that embraces everybody.