Commentary from January 1, 2021
This is a character who hasn’t appeared in quite a while — in fact her last appearance was nearly three years ago. Bassically it’s the hair. I hate drawing the hair. I don’t know what I was thinking when I created her hairstyle, it looks like a giant bug at times, other times a weird Christmas tree. But she is paired with the Nope Door, and I wanted to bring that back at some point but I didn’t have a solid idea. But here she is trying to outrun the Depression Fog, so at least I had an idea to work with. The font is the same as the Nope Door. I’m not good at action scenes, so the first panel is kind of clumsily drawn.
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Timely and relevant as always.
Troof… it’s the truth.. with a lot of ooff ;___;
Yeah. Ok. I feel this one.
Forever the inevitable crash. 😢 But after some time healing we pick ourselves up and began the challenge again. Love to all who are also on this road.
Why the hell does this road have to be so hard?
August – October for me.
…get up and start again. And again. And again.
Suklupimas nėra nesėkmė. Nesėkmė – tai sprendimas daugiau nebesikelti.
It’s even worse when you’re handicapped and can’t run anymore.
The everlasting cycle of trying to outrun your depression. You never stay in the lead for too long.
Yeah. I have OCD and depression. I started getting depressed in September. My OCD got worse, which caused my depression to get worse, which caused my OCD to get worse, and around and around. My mother knows I’m depressed, and my dad and brother know that something’s wrong, but I haven’t told them how bad it really is. My mom is a nurse practitioner, and she’s been swamped with COVID. I know she would support me, but she doesn’t deserve to be burdened. Neither does anybody else. I feel embarrassed that it’s gotten this bad, and I don’t want anybody to know. I hate myself for being so weak. I hate myself for being such a burden on everyone. I hate myself that I can’t even make myself be happy when it’s Christmastime. What the hell is wrong with me? I’m getting presents, and yet nothing can jolt me out of this, this numbness that I feel. This is the only place I can be honest.
Thank you for these comics. They inspired me to draw a few myself.
You’re among people who understand. None of it makes any sense.
Thank you. That means a lot to me. I hope it gets better. I don’t know what to do if it doesn’t. Just exist?
Would it be all right if I shared some guest comics that I drew?
Mr Clay has a bunch of guest comics posted. I’m not sure what his philosophy around it is, but maybe if you email him. There is a contact form or you can email him at the address on his contact page.
https://www.depressioncomix.com/contact/
Hi Julia. Sometimes just existing is good enough. I won’t say if it gets better or worse — I can’t promise what can’t be delivered — but existing in itself at least has the potential to be better. I hope it does improve, but remember you’re not alone.
As for sharing comics, there is a section devoted to just that. Please check out https://www.depressioncomix.com/posts/guest/ [go to the menu, hover over COMICS and you’ll get the link for Guest Comics and Art]. You’re even welcome to use the characters if you want.
Thank you very much. It is scary. Do you have nightmares, too?
I used to have nightmares. The most disturbing were those in which I was dead, and couldn’t touch or feel anything, and no one could see or hear me. Often I had similar feelings of detachment when I was awake — my senses seemed dull and distant, and sometimes I felt that my body was a puppet I operated by remote control, or that nothing around me was real, or that I wasn’t real. Sometimes I would enter a catatonic state, staring unblinking at one spot until everything faded and I couldn’t see anymore, hearing people’s voices echo in my head devoid of meaning, lacking the volition to move or speak.
I also used to suffer from insomnia. Sometimes I would spend most of the night sitting in the darkest, deepest place I could find, thinking about death and dying, trying to determine the best way to kill myself, and picturing all the ways I could think of. I didn’t even want to die so much as I felt that living was unbearable, and I didn’t know how to make it better.
Really I should have been in a mental hospital, but since I never engaged in self-destructive behaviour, and wasn’t a danger to anyone else there was no obvious reason for me to be committed. One of the problems with mental illness is that there are few outward signs, so it often goes undiagnosed and untreated.
Depression causes self-reinforcing cycles of negative thoughts and emotions. The feeling that you’re weak, worthless, useless, a burden to others, that being depressed is somehow your fault — these are all symptoms of the illness, as are self-hatred, the inability to feel pleasure or satisfaction, and a sense of detachment or numbness. Depression inhibits the positive feedback people usually get when they accomplish something or when good things happen to them.
These negative thoughts and feelings are irrational — they do not reflect reality. Recognizing that they are irrational and consciously rejecting them was the first major step in my recovery — it helped me break the cycle of negative thoughts. Taking an antidepressant for about a year helped me break the cycle of negative emotions.
I don’t mean to sound glib. Depression was pure Hell, overcoming it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life, and I doubt I’ll ever be completely free of it. But it’s no longer in control, and I’ve learned how to keep it at bay. I’ve taken damage — there are certain emotions I may never experience again, such as joy, euphoria, or enthusiasm, but at least I can experience contentment, satisfaction, anticipation, and most importantly hope.
Just as measles protects itself by crippling the immune system, depression protects itself by destroying the hope you might recover. Don’t listen to it. Recovery is possible. And don’t be afraid to ask for help. Few people recover on their own.
Yes. Just….yes. Over and over.
These are gold! So glad I discovered your work; it’s so relatable for me.