it is happening to me nowadays .. the night is very long, and i want to sleep, my eyes want to close and and fall asleep, but once i put my head on the pillow.. my brain turns into …. a complaining party! regret, shame, loathing, … try to fix sleeping posture .. nothing changes, try to take pain killer pills because the side effect should make me sleep, my eyes get heavier and my body gets dull and numb, but my brain refuses to sleep! and once the i finally reach my breaking point, after remaining awake for approximately 2 days and a half, i can PASS OUT , not sleep but rather put myself to bed and lose consciousness thanks to fatigue. yup 2 days of self hatred, never ending flashbacks about who i wronged and how, and when, in detail! never ending regret for everything! …. living is torture …
This happens to me as well. Sometimes when I wake in the night I can fall back to sleep. Sometimes there’s not choice but to start my day and hope for a nap later.
I had insomnia frequently when I was depressed, and it persisted occasionally for about a decade after most other symptoms were under control. It’s especially fun when combined with paranoia, so you’re not only unable to sleep, but have the creeping feeling that if you do manage to sleep the mysterious stranger you suspect is lurking somewhere in your home will sneak out of his hiding place and attack you.
Which is weird, now that I think about it. Half the time I wanted to die, but the idea of someone killing me in my sleep was still frightening. Very odd.
I have the “Brain won’t shut down so I can sleep” problem frequently enough that I take a sleep aid every time I go to bed. It doesn’t help that I work at home until 0530 or 0600 and try to sleep right after I finish working without letting my brain get away from work. I’m still in problem solving mode and even when I shift away from work problems I’m still awake and solving some kind of problem.
This puts it supremely well.
it is happening to me nowadays .. the night is very long, and i want to sleep, my eyes want to close and and fall asleep, but once i put my head on the pillow.. my brain turns into …. a complaining party! regret, shame, loathing, …
try to fix sleeping posture .. nothing changes, try to take pain killer pills because the side effect should make me sleep, my eyes get heavier and my body gets dull and numb, but my brain refuses to sleep!
and once the i finally reach my breaking point, after remaining awake for approximately 2 days and a half, i can PASS OUT , not sleep but rather put myself to bed and lose consciousness thanks to fatigue. yup 2 days of self hatred, never ending flashbacks about who i wronged and how, and when, in detail! never ending regret for everything! …. living is torture …
I Like the Bauhaus poster! 😉
This happens to me as well. Sometimes when I wake in the night I can fall back to sleep. Sometimes there’s not choice but to start my day and hope for a nap later.
Nice detail with the lava lamp too.
I had insomnia frequently when I was depressed, and it persisted occasionally for about a decade after most other symptoms were under control. It’s especially fun when combined with paranoia, so you’re not only unable to sleep, but have the creeping feeling that if you do manage to sleep the mysterious stranger you suspect is lurking somewhere in your home will sneak out of his hiding place and attack you.
Which is weird, now that I think about it. Half the time I wanted to die, but the idea of someone killing me in my sleep was still frightening. Very odd.
Yep. The minutes are incredibly long, when you are waiting for them to pass 😓
Regret and dread. That puts it really so well.
I have the “Brain won’t shut down so I can sleep” problem frequently enough that I take a sleep aid every time I go to bed. It doesn’t help that I work at home until 0530 or 0600 and try to sleep right after I finish working without letting my brain get away from work. I’m still in problem solving mode and even when I shift away from work problems I’m still awake and solving some kind of problem.
and never long enough.