Commentary from April 13, 2017
This is what it was like for me nearly every day back when I was doing Sexy Losers from 2003 on. Despite having thousands of readers at the time there was no way to convince me that what I was doing was any good, and all the jokes I had I came to believe were just not funny enough to commit to paper. Even though I was still generating ideas here and there, I was always thinking to myself they weren’t worth doing, no one will laugh and I’m just continuing a big joke that was on me. Soon I wasn’t even bothering to generate ideas, because what was the point. Everything I did sucked, and the only thing I was doing by continuing was proving to the world that I indeed sucked.
These feelings of inadequacy still haunt me and I was feeling it a lot late last year. Although I’m not making jokes like I used to, I still get the feeling that no one understands and that I’m missing the point when I do particular strips or that I’m saying something terribly wrong and offensive. Depression undercuts your confidence in your ideas and work and convinces you that they’re no good.
Maybe for some people these awful feelings that come with depression help them be more creative. It’s definitely something that doesn’t happen with me. Depression makes me too critical with myself and what I do to even let me begin a lot of the time.
Now that I do depression comix, it is a bit easier for me to generate new stuff because I don’t have to worry about being funny, just be on topic. That goal is a lot easier to reach than to have to think about how to make a joke funny enough to minimize “that wasn’t funny” remarks. Critics of humour can be quite harsh and that’s one of the reasons why Sexy Losers has stalled so much.
These feelings of inadequacy still haunt me and I was feeling it a lot late last year. Although I’m not making jokes like I used to, I still get the feeling that no one understands and that I’m missing the point when I do particular strips or that I’m saying something terribly wrong and offensive. Depression undercuts your confidence in your ideas and work and convinces you that they’re no good.
Maybe for some people these awful feelings that come with depression help them be more creative. It’s definitely something that doesn’t happen with me. Depression makes me too critical with myself and what I do to even let me begin a lot of the time.
Now that I do depression comix, it is a bit easier for me to generate new stuff because I don’t have to worry about being funny, just be on topic. That goal is a lot easier to reach than to have to think about how to make a joke funny enough to minimize “that wasn’t funny” remarks. Critics of humour can be quite harsh and that’s one of the reasons why Sexy Losers has stalled so much.
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As a Master’s degree drop out too intimidated to do a 120 page paper….lets just say i can relate to this.
“But you are so smart! This should be a piece of cake for you!”
Yeah, got that. I’m such genius that I have a very hard time getting out of bed in the morning now and then.
Before PTSD destroyed my life, including my MS pursuits, a 120 page paper in my science discipline wasn’t the biggest deal in the world. But now… Yeah, I’m right there with you, Kojima World Order.
I can totally relate 🙁
I recognize a lot of this!
Artist’s life, musician’s life, anyone’s life where they can possibly compare themselves to others. Sucks major balls. (Musician here)
Wow, this is me.
Damn it, this hit home hard. Thanks again for expressing things with such style and truth.
The 0 percent
Me in a nutshell.
Same
Substitute a keyboard and screen for the pen and paper and you have my day.
And even when you do get inspired and accomplish something artistic, you only see the mistakes you made and can’t understand why anyone would like it.
I really like this character. Even though I am not artistic, musical, or otherwise creative I still find this character is someone I can relate too. Thanks Clay!
This character is ending up to be the more anxiety-ridden of all the characters. She is quite popular when people ask for sketches of depcom characters.
This one really spoke to me. Feel like this far too often.
Not again
Yup, haven’t drawn in months, and the longer I go, the harder it is to pick back up again.
Can relate to this so well. She even resembles me physically. Somewhat. Haven’t drawn something in months. Not with “my heart in it”, anyway. Haven’t touched my violin. Writing something – not creative writing but even an essay as a homework – seems an enormous task. Everything is a blank. Creativity got sucked into a deep, dark black hole.
Yeah, that’s pretty much my creative process all on display, right there…
I stopped writing because I felt like this. It’s been 2 years now. Let’s hope I’m able to go back writing someday.
I draw a big cock picture. It made me smile. Sometimes it’s the little things that pull you through.
I can totally relate: especially when I look at my old stuff.
Yep, this one pretty much nails it.
I experienced something like this before. I’m not very good at drawing but I really wanted to win this special shirt for my friend who was also depressed.
I had to work on one frame each day and I have like 8 frames planned. Yet I think I gave up for a million times on each frame. I had to stay back at work just to be motivated enough to finish the frame of the day.
Turns out, I lost the art contest but won the shirt through a livestream. Now the shirt is en route to my friend’s home 🙂 pretty deserving if I’d say it.
That is an awesome story. Congratulations and thanks for sharing!
When it comes to my creativity, this is exactly where I am for the last few years…
…sometimes, I think it’s getting worse…
Wow, so me. Stopped creating years ago. Wanted to study arts. Thanks depression! 🖤