Commentary from January 8, 2014
The first post of the new year. This was inspired more or less by a series of asks on the Tumblr depression comix site regarding the debate between sufferers (who seem to think that their friends bail out on them for having depression) and their friends (who feel that they are treated more like on-demand therapists than friends). Having been on both sides, I know that neither seems fair, and expectations are placed on the other that the other is unable to live up to.
I like how the second panel came out but I think I missed a big opportunity in the last panel. I should have shown the friend more exasperated, but this can certainly be an idea I can focus on in later strips — a lot of people have strong feelings about this including myself. I have lost a lot of friends because I didn’t realize my negativity was so draining.
To a great extent, I find this to be mutual – and somehow, it’s only ever me who’s in the wrong for such an offense.
Interestingly enough, “studies show” that women are more likely to “vent” than men are. That kind of communication is an essential part of their social interactions. However, it’s less culturally acceptable for men to do it, because male complaining is often seen as “a sign of weakness.”
I know I do this so I catch myself before I even start. There’s so much my wife doesn’t know about (1) how I’m feeling (2) how my day went, because I won’t put that on her. I feel like I’m whining anyway. But this is so true.
Huh, to me it’s the opposite. To me, I have trouble opening up to people because I see it as the bottom panel, but all my friends tell me it’s more like the 2nd one and encourage me to open up more.
^ I generally don’t, for similar reasons, but then most of the time when I do…
It’s a catch 22. Open up, and your friends reel under the negativity. Close up, and your friends think you’re not interested in being with them. Like many things one thinks about under the influence of depression, it may not be true, but it may *feel* that way.
Just read all 161 in a sitting. Had to. So many echoes of my own life, so many pangs, and a tear or two.
Thank you so much for every one of these comics.
Wow. So true
This could not have been more timely for me. I just had a huge blowout with my best friend of 25 years because of this. She also has depression issues, and just a few months ago, she was more like the last panel, but I didn’t mind, because that is what we have always done to help out each other, to listen and try to offer help when we can. But then this last month, things have been going better for me (for now) and that is when she decides to tell me I am being like the last panel and I need to share positive things with her. I have always seen me as the top panel. I am a complainer, but I never thought most of it was negative, just observational. Since I had been doing better lately which in itself is kind of amazing considering I had to deal with several deaths this year, including that of my 29 year old niece, and serious financial problems that were not of my own doing, and she picked now to pretty much bully me into admitting that I wasn’t doing good, even though I am. I felt extremely hurt. And after being pushed and pushed I blew up. So then I was accused of “flying off the handle”. It just degenerated from there. If she had just told me her feelings, and gave me time to think about them, I may have come to see it from the point of view of the last panel, but the bullying and telling me that I wasn’t doing well when I was and then attacking me (and some of my other friends) just made that part of what she told me irrelevant, because all I could focus on was the hateful things she said afterward, including telling me good luck finding someone who would put up with whiny ass, or something like that, I deleted the comment from my messages, because I didn’t want to keep going back and focusing on it, and I don’t remember the exact wording, but I cannot forget the intent.
Hey, Kids,
I’ve been putting up with this crap for over sixty years (until the mid-80s the official doctrine was that children cannot possibly experience depression) and I have to say that, having looked at all 161 bits, Clay has completely nailed it. I’m sending a number of the images to people I know who have a chance of obtaining a clue.
Tyler this is everyday for us, huh?
That last panel hits close to home – the problem for me is that both parties experience depression. My friend has a tendency to contact me out of the blue with his latest issue, and for me it’s less of a ‘not again’ moment as it is having to count my spoons and decide if I have enough to engage. Sadly my own depression leaves me constantly playing martyr, so even if I don’t have the spoons, I usually do my best to be the support structure he needs. It’s hard.
Looks familiar. The last time I tried to vent my friend shovedme in the face to go and collect pity from someone else.
Hell, I do not want pity, just someone who says it’s ok… uu better off by shutting up.
This happened to me, a lot. Still does.