Commentary from September 2, 2013
I don’t do the compare contrast strips very much anymore even though they’re half the work of a normal strip. This idea is totally personal experience, the more I keep myself busy the easier it is to deal with this illness. Unfortunately, I have lots of down times where it is difficult to keep my mind occupied (riding on trains, etc) and sometimes the self-defeating voices are a lot more audible. I prefer being busy, stopping to think can be very dangerous to keeping the inertia going.
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How. True.
What happend to the site’s design? I liked the previous one better. The blog-like design is more easy to view and follow than this current “photo gallery” one. There is too much else cluttered in my peripheral vision and that’s distracting. Can you consider switching back?
I will not be switching back, but I am always on the lookout for a better theme. There are several I’m playing with at the moment.
This current one is much better. Thanks
Ah yes, that damned voice that won’t shut up.
This is why I usually spend about 14 hours a day at work.
And this is why i do what i do.
This is one of those that makes me feel guilty about chuckling at it, just because of how absurd it would be if literally anyone else said the things to you that you say to yourself. I mean, honestly, just imagining that voice saying “Now that I have your attention, let me announce that you are shit. Furthermore…” coming from outside of myself seems too surreal.
This (and the previous one) is what I mean when I talk about brainweasels. http://t.co/IVZAWE8KmC via @depressioncomix
Aaaaaand this is exactly why I can’t properly unwind anymore. Yet since I lack the energy to keep busy…. sigh.
This is why I call the first day of the week “Black Sunday.”
Monday through Friday I HAVE to get up to go to work… even though I get there late most days, I still HAVE to show up to live. I lose some of that momentum on Saturday, and it’s completely gone by Sunday. Making it to church on a Sunday morning is a REAL ACCOMPLISHMENT!!!
I feel happy when I’m busy at school. For a second I feel appreciated. Like I have some sort of worth. Then I get home, I’m alone. My parents have probably yelled at me for the inconvenience I caused. That’s when the thoughts come to pull me apart. When I’m vulnerable and alone.
Wow.
It’s worse when you work smiling, I don’t know why. And it’s the reason why I temporary quitted my job. I feel better when I can face those thoughts and I fight them. Working I needed to push the thoughts back, but not to feel anything good instead; when the day was over, the thoughts, the bad feelings were so much bigger that it was almost imposible to control them. Depression is like a jealous child, that wants all your attention and all your blood.
I decided to try this, try to focus my efforts on facing bad times, to smile only if I feel it, if I feel it, and see what happens. I’m very scared, because I’m not rich and I need to work, but I need to find another kind of job, and I can’t do it smiling at nothing during the day and going crazy at night. I’m not living. I must try.
This is not a recommendation, of course. Just sharing.
Getting into teaching saved me. Made me feel purpose, and was something I could handle.
And it definitely keeps me from noticing any negative thoughts.
It’s not just shoving them away either, it’s a perfect break which doesn’t make them feel ignored in any way.
I still have nights when I just can’t put my phone down htough, and will keep my mind busy until I’m so exhausted my phone falls on my face.
Luckily that’s a much rarer thing than it used to be.